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I might give up on CBC Radio… it’s going to the dogs…

… or at least Ottawa Morning. The banal banter is becoming too much to take at 5:30ish.

And you know what has been bugging me most of all lately? Each day, The topic du jour seems to have something to do with pets…dogs in particular.

Alert! If you a “dog-lover”, then this is fair warning that you will not like anything that I write from this point onward!

Anyone who knows me at all will know that I’m not really a pet-lover, in general, and am especially not fond of dogs. I have a thousand reasons why and I’m not going to go into it here. Trying to explain my feelings about dogs to dog lovers is akin to explaining my feelings about Catholicism to a believer. It is just a frustrating experience for all involved.


So the folks on CBC have been going on and on over the past several months about how super-duper it is to be a dog owner. What kind of training is best. Advice on how to choose a dog from the pound. There was even much fawning over someone who owns a spa for canines. Yes. A spa. Guess P. T. Barnum was dead on, eh?

But one thing that irks me most about dogs are not the critters themselves, but their owners. Yeah, the dogs smell like hell, leave their excrement hither and yon, deposit their hair wherever they please, cost a fortune in vet bills, track mud into the house, slobber, try to get up close and personal with any human leg they can find, cause my allergies to flare up and face it – most of them are as dumb as a post.

But the owners? Especially those who think that everyone in the world loves their beast as much as they do? Well, they take the proverbial gateau!

Case in point. I’m walking to my bus stop yesterday when dude with dog approaches me on the sidewalk. As they approach said dog starts doing the hokey-pokey as if it’s glad to see me.  We meet and the guy and his dog actually stop as if I am supposed to bend down and pet the damned thing.

Of course, I just keep walking. And from behind me I hear this “Harummph! Well, I still love you Pooky” (or some equally inane name). The guy was really put out that I didn’t stop, scratch the flea-bitten beast behind its ears while uttering inanities like “oooo.. aren’t you the cute one…”


Look. I get that some otherwise normal peeps dig dogs. And some dogs are really useful – like guide dogs, canine cops and farm dogs.  They are also a source of comfort for the ill, the elderly and those with mental illness. I’m not dissing the whole species and I most certainly would never ever harm one of the slobbering, sniffing fools.

But if you see me on the street, and you’re walking you pet, don’t expect me to pet it.

And Ottawa Morning? Stop the fluffy chatter about dogs! You’re turning this listener off! And you’re starting to sound like these kooks!

Gimme people any day. Even conservatives. At least they don’t pant and drool and sometimes have something to contribute to society…

Well, most of them… but…. not all of them…


Job creation and canine anti-depressants

Now HERE’s some innovative self employment.

Buddy thinks: “Hey, I’m a mechanic. I’m outta a job.  I need to create a market for my skills.”

“So hey, I’ll pull off a wire here, disconnect a valve there and voilà! Instant work!”

JOHNSON CITY, Tenn. — Tennessee police said a mechanic was drumming up business by tampering with parked cars, then charging to help start them. Police arrested 41-year-old Christopher Walls of Johnson City on Thursday night.

Investigators said Walls disabled cars parked at restaurants, waited for the owners to try to start them and then offered his services as a mechanic. Police said Walls charged between $40 and $200 to get the vehicles running again.

In other news – another bailout?? is quoting a Washington Post article that claims $45 billion is spent by Americans this year on canine anti-depressants, hip replacements, and fancy doggie spas. But with the downturn and all, pet owners will be hard pressed to keep up the payments on Poofy’s gym membership.

Hmmm…. sounds like these folks could use a good ol’ American bailout!

You’ll know this is coming if we start seeing sob stories on Oprah and the lefty networks about families forced to cancel Fido’s charm school or deprive Spot of his gourmet din-din.

Then someone from ABC will ask White House Press Secretary Gibbs about the rumors of help for strapped pet owners. There will be Poodle Parades in San Francisco. The big doggie drug and food companies will sic their lobbyists on Congress, begging for some stimulus treats.

The NAPO (National Association of Pet Owners) will blast the nay sayers in Congress as mean and heartless right-wing fanatics.