On Saturday,  I am embarking on another long trip to the Middle Kingdom. So I thought I would review aircraft safety rules… as told by the late and great Mr. George Carlin.

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

Check it out:

Motown legend Berry Gordy said: “He was awesome, the King of Pop was not big enough. I think he is simply the greatest entertainer that ever lived.

I heard this along with the other hero-worship claptrap and thought “huh”?

Greatest entertainer?

No fuckin’ way.

I remember a party back in ’82 or so (some of my readers may recall) when a certain chick brought Thriller to the scene. We were on an island somewhere outside of Peterborough, ON and we were all die hard rockers…

The MJ tape ended up in the bonfire while Zep II roared its mighty roar.

So in the interest of the public service, here are 50 entertainers I consider “greater” than the child molester.

1. George Carlin
2. The Clash
3. Led Zeppelin
4. Robin Williams
5. Jon Stewart
6. The Beatles
7. Bruce Springsteen
8. Madonna
9. My son Owen
10. Bart Simpson
11. The Police
12. The Canadian police forces who like using Tasers
13. RCMP (see above)
14. Frank Sinatra
15. Alex Ovechkin
16. Supertramp
17. Pink Floyd
18. Thierry Henry
19. David Bowie
20. My daughter Addy
21. My teenmonster T
22. The Eagles
23. Stephen Harper – in robot mode
24. Janis Joplin
25. Jim Morrison
26. Jimi Hendrix
27. Bob Marley
28. Queen
29. Kim il Jong
30. Kermit the Frog
31. Kaka
32. Vlad Putin
33. My 4th year Pol Sci Theory prof
34. Pierre Trudeau
35. Sir Richard Branson
36. Sir Paul McCartney
37. John Lennon
38. Lenin
39. The cast of Coronation Street
40. Che
41. Ronaldo
42. Johnny Ramone
43. Sid Vicious
44. Leonardo da Vinci
45. Anna Kournikova
46. Meagan Fox
47. Mike Tyson
48. The guy who asks for change at the corner of Holland and Scott
49. Peter Gzowski
50. Isaac Asimov

I could do another 100 or so, but am getting tired.

You get the point though, right?

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

First ran across Mr. Carlin in 1979 when, during a freakin’ crazy weekend in Toronto, I heard Indecent Exposure for the first time.

I laughed until my gut hurt. and then I laughed some more.

I laughed when, in the line for the Canada World Music Festival in 1980, some buds did Teenage Masturbation – and most excellently.

I killed my abs when I heard Modern Man for the first time.

He pissed off the establishment and he snorted at this. And, I’ll regret having passed up seeing him at the NAC a few years back when he passed through Ottawa.

In short, outside my kids, no one has made me laugh more.

Hope to hear your new routine someday, Mr. Modern Man.

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario