Mr. Speaker, ’twas the week before Christmas and all over the Hill
The self-absorbed Tories were imposing their will
The stockings in Muskoka were stuffed to the brim
But life on first nations remained woefully grim.
And at the North Pole, Santa’s problems abound
There was much work to do, but no workers around.
How can we do Christmas with no reindeer or elves?
The sleigh is a wreck, there are no toys on the shelves.
Costs have just spiralled, the elves threaten strike
They won’t work this Christmas without a pay hike.
Federal money for deer feed and vets
Has just been reprofiled for big jails and jets.
Heartbroken children would spring from their beds
The first Christmas ever shut down by the feds.
No presents for Christmas, Tories felt the frustration
So they saddled the elves with back-to-work legislation.
No reindeer or sleigh can stop our roof-topper
Call Coast Guard and send in a Cormorant chopper.
The moral I share: Tories lack rhyme and reason
Nonetheless, all the best for a great Christmas season.

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

Gritchik rox royally sometimes…

httpv://gritchik.wordpress.com/2011/12/17/a-very-conservative-christmas-message/

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

…about something that is really rather trivial considering all else that is going down in the world right now – e.g. world economy in the crapper, homelessness, climate change… that sort of stuff. This particular “something” comes up every year around this time. A school bans a Christmas play, taxi drivers are warned to not display seasonal decorations, a bus ad wishes everyone a Happy Holiday instead of Merry Christmas.

Yes. It’s the “OMG-They-Are-Taking-Away-Our-Traditions!” frantic time of the year!

Watch out boys and girls! Merry Christmas becomes Happy Holidays! Santa is banned because his obesity should not be celebrated! Christmas ties are forbidden in the office!

Arggghhhhh!!! Run away Run away!!!! The sky is falling!

Ahem.

In my ever-so-humble opinion (sounds of distant laughter), all of this hand-wringing is SO beyond trivial that it really should not even come close to registering on the who-gives-a-shit meter! Really.

And I’m not saying this cuz I’m a non-Christian who is just venting off some Atheist steam. Uh-uh. I call it “Christmas” because That’s. What. It. Is. The only difference for folks like me is that I don’t attach any emotional or spiritual importance to the time of year other than the fact that it means a couple of extra days off work! And THAT is good for my emotions and spirits!

Hey! Even I think that the whole political correctness BS gets way outta hand. No need to deny the fact that this is, essentially, a holiday that has its roots in Judeo-Christian history. If you are offended by that, then keep your opinions to yourself.

It’s also a pagan holiday – but I’ll leave that for now.

But do I get my knickers in twist over it like some peeps. No way. Not worth the effort to engage in thinly disguised xenophobic arm-flapping. The so-called “immigrants” aren’t out there plotting ways to steal your little holiday away from you, people! I can’t think of a single first generation Canadian Muslim, Jew or Sikh that I know who doesn’t enjoy the season just as much as the good ol’ 7th generation boys down on the farm.

Besides, there are much, MUCH more important things out there to fret about than whether or not my kids’ teachers call it Christmas, the Holidays, or Festivus! Aren’t there? Aren’t there?

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

…Comes Xmas and Xmas fanatics…

You know ‘em. They started putting up lights in October and have been counting down to the 25th through Facebook updates since Labour Day!

Gag.

Yes folks, tomorrow is indeed the first of December, so all of the Xmas crap will move into hyperdrive. Buy this! Buy that! Sale! Sale! Sale!

Deck the halls with boughs of money!

Wonderful.

Oh well, I’ll focus on our trip on the 30th and maybe the next 26 days will be over before I know it!l

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

… jurisdiction to forbid Christmas music before December 1?

How about exterior lights?

Hey Ottawa? How about it?

Yeah, yeah, I’m an old atheist Grinch… I know, I know… but seriously, I don’t recall seeing it anywhere in the Bible that music and decorations had to be out in November! C’mon people! Get real!

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

My letter would be:

Dear Santa:

I have been a very good boy this year. At least I think so. Therefore I do hope that you can fulfill at least one of these wishes. It’s OK if you can’t come through on everything – you’re a busy guy and I get that. But please do what you can.

PS – it wasn’t my idea to blow up those bullfrogs when I was 9. It was my little brother’s doing!

My List

1. Peace everywhere. Yeah, a long shot but I’m putting it up front just in case.
2. Health and happiness for all of my family and friends.
3. A federal government that isn’t run by a egotistic, cynical, out of touch, robotic dictator. Again – another long shot.
4. To be able to see a smile on my kids’ faces each and every day. Even the teenager’s.
5. A Stanley Cup for the Leafs.. yeah, yeah…
6. A Champion’s league title, FA Cup title and Premiership crown for the Gunners.
7. A return to respectability for the Jays.
8. A new Mayor for Ottawa.
9. No more bus strikes.
10. Did I mention the IPhone?

If you DID believe in Santa right now -  as an adult. And you sent a letter to addressed as follows:

Santa Claus

North Pole

H0H H0H

What would be tops on your list?

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario