Trashy's World

The Cons ran a focus group to get some ideas about the best ways to divert the public attention away from all of the bone-headed moves they have made lately.

So here are the Top Five ideas they came up with.

1. Hire a cargo ship. Hire a couple hundred Tamil refugees. Put said refugees on said ship. Have said ship steam toward the western coastline, this precipitating an immigration crisis that only the CPC is capable of dealing with.

2.Turn the short form into a longer form. Thus shortening the long form that is now shorter but not really because the questions on the long form will still be asked on the long form as well as the short form… creating a medium form.

3. Invent one of those instant memory loss devices. Just like the one used in Men in Black. Then stream it into every computer and TV in the country and hope for the best.

4. Take the summer as a mulligan and ask the GG for a do-over.

5. To capitalize on the both the popularity of vampires and of hockey, have His Glorious Leader avoid sunlight for a month and coach a hockey game with a bombastic bigot Don Cherry.  DONE!.

Other stuff…

OC Transpo, OC Transpo, OC Transpo... up to your old tricks again, I see. 6:30 buses coming at 6:48… 200 m ahead of the 6:51 bus. The 7:50 #86 simply forgets to show. And two west-bound buses from the ‘burbs swoosh through Hurdman like there was a pack of wild hamsters ready to swarm any unsuspecting bus that happened to stop.

Heading to China again in the fall… tickets have been booked. But there is no word whether it will be the real or imaginary China. Or whether we will be travelling on a imaginary airplane that takes off from an imaginary airport with imaginary crew on board. I’d better call Stock to get his take on thing… always good for a laugh!

Did you know that the fear of Friday the 13th is called friggatriskaidekaphobia, frigga meaning “Friday”?

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Politics

• JOHN FREAKIN’ BAIRD HAS BEEN NAMED THE PARLIAMENTARIAN OF THE YEAR?????

WTF???

I will never buy another issue of Macleans!

John Ivison from the NP opened his column this way:

Without a trace of irony, John Baird picked up the Macleans award for Parliamentarian of the Year on Wednesday evening, just hours after he appeared at a Government Operations committee meeting that descended into chaos when chair Yasmin Ratansi threatened to have the minister removed by security, while Mr. Baird shouted that Ms. Ratansi didn’t know how to do her job.

It was a bravura performance from a Transport Minister who must spend much of his spare time preparing his impromptu bursts of outrage. Nathan Cullen, an NDP member on the committee, said he had to remind Mr. Baird to get back into character when the television lights came back on after a break.

This was a apparently the result of a vote taken by all parties and then weighted to account for seat inequities.

Really?

I would LOVE to see the methodology behind that!

Beef of the day – the Americanization of our language…

OK fellow Canucks, repeat after me:

• Hockey players change in a dressing room. Not a locker room
• It is a hockey sweater. Not a jersey.
• The 26th letter? Zed. NOT zee. I heard a francophone call it zee the other day… that kinda freaked me out.
• It is “pop”. Not soda or soda pop. Although I can give a bit of slack on that one since I understand it is and always has been called “soda” in the West. But now, even national newspaper articles refer to it as “soda”.

Sarah Palin opens her mouth again

Yup – it’s all the environmentalists’ fault re: the Gulf spill.

Someone rhetorically asked on Facebook why doesn’t the msm just stop covering this moron?

Simple. She sells copy, folks. Curiosity trumps all and readers, when seeing her name on a column, want to see the latest bit of crud to pop outta her mouth.

Speaking of the spill…

I haven’t yet written anything about the Gulf spill. Part of the reason for this is that all has needed to be said has already been penned. Another reason for my silence is due to my concern that my visceral anger at BP, the American regulators, and all of we petro-slaves that have allowed this unprecedented disaster to occur.

I don’t really understand what the long term effects of the spill are going to be and I don’t believe anyone does. But I am fairly certain that this us gonna bite humanity in the butt somewhere, sometime.

Gee.

That new conference place that is being built here in Ottawa is starting to look like something. And it’s damn big! I ride by the site twice a day on my bus commute and it’s really cool to watch the progress.

But maybe that’s just a guy thing.

I will be happy when it opens and we don’t have to travel to that dump across the river for our in-town conferences.

Chinese graffiti

It has been a week full of meetings with a delegation from China. The project is progressing well. But truth be told, five years from now, we will be looking to them for guidance. They learn that quickly. The teacher will become the student.

Finally – a conversation between my 6 year old and 3 year old this morning:

6 yr old: this mosquito is gonna die

3 yr old: what’s die

6 yr old: you’re going to do it once one day – when you’re an old grandpa

3 yr old: No!

6 yr old: First Daddy’s gonna die, then Mommy, then me, then you! You’re last, you’re lucky.

6 yr old: Actually Clarence (our cat) is going to die first. I wish I wouldn’t die. i wish lost of people wouldn’t.  I wish a lot of things.

Awwwwww… who needs TV, books or radio when you have kids that entertain ya day in and day out!

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It has been a hectic few weeks – both personally and on the political front.

On the Trashy front, I have been travelling a lot. Too much, really. First it was off to China on biz for almost two weeks. And then, a day later, my family and I boarded a plane destined for the Dominican Republic for a week of sun, beach, and rum punches.

I have documented the China trip in previous posts, so I’ll leave that alone other than to mention that I’ll be returning in September – hopefully to a place in China not called Beijing… just for a change.

The trip to the DR was a blast. The weather was perfect, the food was OK (pretty much what you’d expect at an all-inclusive), the staff were helpful and the facilities were very clean. I’d recommend the place in minute and will be posting an entry on tripadvisor.com when I get a minute. The hotel is called Gran Bahia Principe La Romana.

More importantly, it was nice to spend some time away from work and with my family. I wish I coud do that kind of thing more often. I feel much more connected to the things that are important to me when I can dedicate some exclusive time to the kids and the RLG.

On another front, hectic-ness is jumping and bounding all over the Hill these days! Helena Guergis and her hubby are the cause of no end of frustration for the Robot and his evil henchman. And that is of course making me snicker.

And before Ken or the Squid Dude say “Yeah, well the Libs were just as bad…” yeah, yeah… I know. But this still gives me great joy. Let me have my joy, dammit!

The downside is that attention is being diverted from other more important matters. The Reformations could be using this energy to, uh, let’s say formulating a real environmental and climate change plan. Or they could be looking at pension plan regulations. Or a national child care strategy. Or <fill in the blank>…

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As I did on my last voyage to the Middle Kingdom, the post written on my last day consists of a miscellany of random thoughts thunk and observations made over the past little while.

Driving: After my 120 km/h cab ride down Conroy on the way to the airport, I shouldn’t really be too critical of Beijing drivers. In fact, I admire them! They drive like rabid maniacs – but controlled rabid maniacs. I have yet to see an accident on the main thoroughfare between the hotel and the building where the meeting are held. And when you realise that in a driving environment where a near miss is when two fenders only just brush against each other at 80 klicks, there are very few dented bumpers or others signs of collision – well, that’s pretty good!! In fact, 99% of the vehicles are in immaculate shape. No rust, of course – no salt and little rain. But the overall shape of Beijing’s vehicle fleet puts that of any North American fleet to shame.

Food: Again, I am obsessed by and impressed by the variety and quality of the food here. There really is something for everyone, though if you are a vegetarian, your chances are a bit more limited. And cheap! My colleague and I grabbed a simple dinner at a noodle place behind the hotel and the grand total was 62 Yuan – about 9 bucks… beer, noodles and dumplings included…

However, I think that like at home, when in Rome, don’t eat Greek. Would you order a Chinese stir-fry from a road house? No, right? You order a burger and fries. or maybe fish and chips. It’s something they know and likely do fairly competently.

That being said, I’ll maybe grab a slice of pizza for lunch before the bus comes to fetch us tomorrow afternoon. I’m told that it’s pretty good!

The Built Environment: I think I noted last time that everything here is so damned over-the-top BIG! And much of it is visually appealing from an aesthetic standpoint… at least in my uninformed opinion.

To the Chinese, image is paramount. So much so that functionality might be surpassed by appearance. But man, they are really good at appearances. About 3/4 the way up a 50-odd story building on the side of the street across from the hotel a square concave area of about 30m by 30m that actually changes colour somehow.

The Language Barrier: This is huge. Yes, one’s lack of knowledge of Chinese can be largely supplemented by the use of sign language and pointing, but the language barrier does come into play every single day.

This is apparent at the market while negotiating a price. But most of the salesfolks with whom I have interacted have had a passable version of English – at least enough to haggle. But it is a different case when engaged in complex and technical negotiations. We use interpreters, yes, and they seem to be very good at what they do. Yet from time to to time, I get the sense that something is being lost in the translation.

Negotiating: Remember the Ferengi from the old Star Trek series (I forget which one)? They were masters of negotiations and unabashed embracers of the the profit motive as a basis for every day to day decision. Now imagine those ugly, big eared Ferengis as cute little Chinese sales girls. And yes, they are 95% women. THAT is what you deal with when negotiating a price for a given good in one of the markets. You are flattered, smiled at, and cooed to. The price starts at something outrageous, makes a quick nosedive after initial resistance and then you haggle over the last 20% or so. Depending on what kind of money you’re talking about, the 20% may be worth dickering over, or not. Twenty percent of a 50 Yuan gap is only a coupla bucks.

For example – here’s how it went for my custom-made pants:

Start – 350

Me – 100

Them – 250

Me – 150

Them – 200

Me – I started to walk out, then she grabbed my arm and said 175. To which I countered 165. And we were done. That’s about 24 bucks. And it all took about 5 minutes. Not bad.

That’s all from China this time around. I’ll likely pen the next post on the flight to Vancouver and publish it while in the airport lounge.

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Sunday was a shopping and walkabout day. Another warm beautiful yet a bit hazy Beijing morning greeted us as a few of us made the traditional trek to Jenny’s pearl shop in the Pearl Market. We took the subway this time. The damned cheap and extensive subway, that is. And no smog underground – unlike the last time I visited.

Numerous other missions have done the heavy lifting and found a shop whose prices are reasonable and haggling is not really necessary. The good thing is that you know you are getting quality. The bad thing is that well, I guess there isn’t really anything bad. Unless you count how hot the shop can be due to the lighting. But jenny gives out free bottles of water, so it was all good.  I bought a selection of earrings, pendants and necklaces all for under $150 – total.

Here is one of Subunit A’s best friends, Lion,  frolicking in the pearls:

He looks happy, doesn’t he? Yes, those ARE all real pearls. And those three drawers represent only a small portion  of what one sees at Jenny’s. And hers is only one of scores of pearl shops. There are  at least a dozen of them on the top floor of the Market… and the rule about these markets is that the higher the floor, the better the quality.

Even better, there is a balcony off the top floor where, looking out over the street, you can see the Temple of Heaven in the distance.

Unfortunately, what was a very good day didn’t end well. A group of use had dinner at an Indian spot not too far from the hotel. It was pretty good at first, but at about midnight, my stomach rebelled and the rest of my night was not well spent. Somehow, I managed to make it out of bed, to the meetings and remained coherent enough to lead much of the discussions for the workday on Monday.

Feeling much better now however, after a nice blandish dinner of noodles and dumplings.

Here’s a neat tidbit. Something I hadn’t noticed on the last trip was the Chinese, and apparently Asian penchant for drinking hot water. One of my colleagues who has lived in China said that the roots for this likely lie in the fact that boiling water kills disease-causing bacteria. Makes sense to me. I guess there may be a lot fewer than 1.6 billion Chinese if much of the population had been drinking contaminated all these years. I have seen elsewhere that hot drinks after a meal will also prevent oily foods from clotting and hindering digestion. Who knows?

Oh, and I still have yet to see a firetruck in this city. They don’t have uncontrolled fires here?

Tomorrow is our last full day in Beijing as we leave for the airport at 1:30 on Wednesday.

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Saturday was our first true “free” day on this mission. Beautiful and sunny skies, a relatively smog free atmosphere and warm temps made for a perfect time to get outside and explore.

Of course, shopping came first. I hate shopping, but not here. Gotta live the dickering, man. It’s in the blood somewhere. But it is sure not for everyone.

After pulling ourselves away from the Silk Market, we grabbed a cab (woulda taken the subway, but cab fares are obnoxiously cheap here – 40 Yuan (about $6) for a half hour trip… ) and headed for the main Olympic venues, including the Beijing National Stadium. The 90 some-odd thousand seat stadium is an impressive architectural feat. I was awestruck when thinking about the number of welded connections that would have been necessary to erect this thing. “The Bird’s Nest” contains 36 km of steel sheeting!

We just missed by a few weeks seeing the largest ski hill in Beijing… inside the freakin’ stadium! When you look at the pics below, that is what the snow on the floor of the facility is all about.

As well, we saw the water cube – the place where all of the aquatic events were held. Pretty cool, but it was closed due to renos so we couldn’t explore inside.

Along this line, one of my colleagues noted something, and I agreed, and that is it is to wonder what these stadiums will look like some 10 years down the road. Even after only a year and a half, there are signs of disrepair. Peeling paint, missing bricks, broken pavers are commonly seen. I guess the government’s priorities are elsewhere now.

I’m glad I had the chance to see it before it deteriorates too much.

Had some awesome Thai food last night in a part of town close to the Canadian embassy. Nice to have a change of pace.

Off to the Pearl Market today to get the obligatory – you guessed it – pearl-related gifts. Then we are visiting the Temple of Heaven, which is conveniently located right across the street from the Pearl Market. The Chinese think of everything!

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After a long and final day of the week’s meetings, the bunch of us were yearning for some relaxation.

My main presentation went well and despite a couple of hiccups and surprises, I think the final formal meetings on Monday will be a success. What I am involved in amounts to international negotiations and as such progress is measured in small increments and very carefully. This is the third major international project I have been involved with and if there is one thing I have learned it’s that progress is still progress, even if it is at a glacial pace.

So back to the  need for some relaxation. After leaving the meeting, our most awesome bus driver greeted all of us with a can of Tsingtao beer – warm, yet deeply appreciated after a day inside four walls!

A favourite spot to chill after a hard day’s work is the bar in the hotel called Charlie’s. If it wasn’t for the cigarette smoke, the horrible music and the poor selection of beer, it wouldn’t be a bad place… um, yeah, we really should find a better place to have a pint…

But Charlie’s does have Happy Hour when beer is two for one! Woo-hoo!

After our smokey and warm beer, we wandered aimlessly into the early evening looking for a place to eat. After much indecision, we ambled to a booth in what would be the equivalent of a, um, Denny’s in Canada. Food was very cheap – as was the beer – but not very satisfying. Still, for a dozen or so dishes and a half dozen large beers for 339 Yuan (about $50), whaddya want? 8 bucks a pops for dinner ain’t bad.

Of course, we couldn’t leave it at that and go back to the hotel, now could we? Nooooo… we had to do some exploring around a part of the city that was not really that far from the hotel but was on the OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET – a side that we were utterly unfamiliar with!

Hilarity ensued when we wandered unmolested by guards into a gated community. One that didn’t have an unlocked gate other than the one we used to enter. So after much more aimless wandering (though we did find a very bizarre 7-11), we did make our way past a bathhouse back to the hotel. And the good night sleep that I had will not go wasted as the group of us are meeting in 15 minutes to decide where in fact we will aimlessly wander this morning.

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T’was a very, very long and difficult day yesterday. The meetings themselves went extremely well and progress was made on fronts that we did not anticipate, but physically? Trashy was trashed.

Unlike the day before when it was clearly a problem with fatigue, yesterday was a day chock full of overwhelming exhaustion, nausea and headaches. I recall the same thing happening the last time I was here. At about the Day 4 or 5 point, my body tries to make the full shift to Chinese realities.

All is good this morning however, as I slept for almost a full 8 hours! And other than being a bit dopey (yeah, yeah – I can hear you!), I’m 100% better today! Good thing too, as it’s my turn to take the reins at the meetings and lead was will be a day long presentation.

Too bad about yesterday though, as last night was traditional banquet that the Chinese hold for us on each mission. The banquets are quite an occasion and it is considered to be an honour to be a guest at one of these events.

A couple of dozen dishes are placed on the giant lazy susan (above), which slowly spins around allowing each of the diners to pick off what they want when it comes around. Squid, yummy chicken (with the head still attached!), yams, shrimp, a spicy beef dish… lots of things to please any palate. There was also a served portion of the meal that consisted of a 6″ prawn,  fish soup and a crisp salad… a little surprised about the salad. I think they included that for us.

During the meal, a number of toasts are made. First by the host and then by the guests. The toasts are made more or less in order of rank at the table. Rank is a big deal for the Chinese.

One can either toast with wine or juice, but the guests,  especially the men – are often asked to toast with a shot of baiju, which is a strong liquor with a 52% liquor content! Normally, I would be at the front of the line with these toasts but due to my blah stomach, I only partook in two toasts… just to be polite… which is also very important to the Chinese. It is considered very bad form to refuse a drink or a taste of an exotic dish even if you feel like crap!

Enough for now. If I’m back in my room in time tonight, I’ll scribble together another post about the happenings of today. I do, however, have to make some time to pick up the custom-tailored shirts that I had made the other night. Only $18 a shirt! Woo-hoo!

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A funny thing about travelling is that your body can be all up and at ‘em, raring to go one day and then for no readily apparent reason, feel like it has been dragged through a phalanx of ReformCon Christian zealots armed with Tasers the next. And, since I am here on business, ya gotta suck it up and make your way through the work day.

And today (yesterday for most of you) is not one of the more pleasant days.

In spite of lots of sleep, no undue stress, nothing out of the ordinary at all, I feel ten times worse than I did yesterday. Travelling across many time zones is like that. Not only does the ol’ bod have to adapt to completely different food, water and air, it also has to deal with day being night and night being day. And you really can’t do a lot about this other than getting as much sleep as possible, not overeating and laying off the booze a bit.

But in spite of feeling crappy from time to time, one is very reluctant to let up on the gas very much. This is China! And things can happen that may result in this being my last visit so everyone wants to take advantage of being here as much as possible. Priorities change and all of us are quite aware that the proverbial rug could be pulled out from under the project at any time. This is only my second mission here but even those veterans who have been over here 7 or 8 times still want to take advantage of being in a place that they may well never get to again. So we are reluctant to turn down a dinner at a new restaurant, a tour of some temple or a trip to a new market. This enthusiasm about taking in as much as possible doesn’t help one’s physical well-being, but it sure is good mentally.

Work-wise, this has been a trying day. Without being specific, we have been listening to our Chinese colleagues talk about the functionality of a very complex database that they have developed. Very exciting stuff. Yeah. On Thursday afternoon, we move into the subject responsible for my being here so things will perk up quite a bit.

About the meetings themselves, they are very long – twice as long as the actual content since translation is not simultaneous. One of us speaks for 30 seconds or so, stops, and then one of the two interpreters repeats what was said in the other language. As is the norm on international trips like these, one has to use diplomatic language using terms like “we suggest”, “perhaps you would consider”, “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand”, etc. We are addressed and address our colleagues as “Mr.”, “Mrs.” And “Ms”, and the seating arrangements at the meetings and the banquets (this mission’s is being held tomorrow night – I’ll go into the whole banquet thing in a later post) reflect the relative stature of the attendees.

At the meetings, tea is served and frequently refilled throughout the day by a couple of girls wielding very large thermoses filled with boiling water. This is pretty cool.

On this particular mission, we take lunch in the department’s cafeteria where we are treated to copious amounts of noodle dishes, meats of different (and often unidentifiable) varieties, mushrooms and fungi, and fried veggies. Not bad grub but, as I noted above, it does not pay to over eat… you feel very heavy later in the afternoon and staying awake can be a challenge.

After lunch, the group of us usually goes for a walk to settle down the food, and then we return, meet until 4 or 4:30 then the bus takes the bunch of us back down the main drag to the hotel.

And that, folks, is my workday in Beijing. And I’m feeling a bit better now. The walk at lunch did its trick.

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The first full day in Beijing has been very uneventful. Three of us hit the grocery store at the Silk Market to stock up on water and munchies for the rooms. And then we returned and went back to start on the ol’ shopping thing.

Never have shopped for women’s shoes before today. And now I have! Hopefully, I did the right thing and they last more than a month!

Back to the room for a three hour nap and then off to our fave duck spot for way too much food.

One thing about China that always serves as a source of amusement is how western culture is interpreted. This, for example, is their ode to easter:

The meetings begin bright and early tomorrow. Hopefully, I’ll have a bit more to write about.

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