One year ago today, a minority of Canadians elected a Harper majority government.

So, what have I learned?

• I learned that growing pot is a worse crime than being a pedophile.
• That it’s OK to force people to register a car, but an affront to democracy to do so for a gun.
• That the government keeps two sets of books when it comes to reveling the true costs of expensive projects… like fighter jets, for example.
• That OJ is a lot more expensive than I would have thought possible.
• That Harper did NOT major in Canadian history.
• That Vic Toews want to know everything about us!
• That, thanks to omnibus legislation, Parliament has become impotent.
• That conflict of interest rules don’t apply to Cabinet Ministers.
• That planned cuts to seniors’ pensions are not worthy of mentioning during an election campaign.
• Nor are cuts to health-care funding .
• That environmental controls for energy projects aren’t really that important.
• That continuing to spend millions on royal visits is an appropriate use of taxpayers dollars.
• That environmental charities ‘launder’ foreign funds.
• That it’s OK to diss your country, forsake your citizenship, but be welcomed back with open arms.
• That the Grits better do something about selling themselves as a real alternative. And that does NOT mean elected Bob Rae as leader!
• That Jack Layton was a special man.
• Jason Kenney, Tony Clement, Vic Toews, Pierre Polievre, John Baird, Jim Flaherty and Stephen Harper are not.
• And possibly (jury still out) that election fraud is only election fraud if it implicates one of the other parties – and not the CPC.

What did I miss?

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

… the “royal” family, that is.

Yup, time for the Harperites to once again waste some mega bucks – $1 million range – to host and fête members of Britain’s most famous inbreds.

Canadian Heritage Minister James Moore defended the visit Monday in a conference call with reporters, saying the Tories are trying to keep the costs down. “Of the four visits we’ve had, this one will be least expensive for taxpayers.”

He said Canadians should feel honoured to be able to celebrate the “Diamond Jubilee” of a reigning Queen, or the 60th anniversary of the monarch ascending the throne.

The 2009 visit cost of Charles and Camilla cost Canadian taxpayers $1.7-million. A 2010 visit of Queen Elizabeth cost $2.8-million. The 2011 visit by Prince William and Kate cost $1.2-million.

These price tags do not include the security costs that Canadian governments must bear to secure the visit.

The Conservative government is currently chopping $5.2-billion from Ottawa’s budget over several years, a measure which will see at least 12,000 public servants lose their jobs and hundreds of programs trimmed or axed.

Sorry Jimbo… not feeling particularly “honoured”.

And those security costs? On previous visits, security costs were about $1 million.

Sigh.

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

… tear up PS Collective Agreements! Not a chance! “tearing up” is so gauche. So unimaginative, so 19th century!

Famous for being a very detail-oriented little party, the ReformCons have assembled a handbook for party operatives outlining what exactly should happen to those pesky Agreements while avoiding that whole tearing-up thing.

And this intrepid blogger has obtained a copy of this handbook, excerpts of which are published below.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

March 2012

To:  all Conservative Party of Canada riding operatives.

From: Thought Crimes and Socialist Schemes Prevention Secretariat

Re: Disposal of Collective Bargaining Agreements

This handbook is intended to guide dictate to Party operatives in the approved methods of Public Service Collective Bargaining Agreements. It is NOT to be distributed outside party offices and care MUST be taken to not allow this handbook or parts contained therein to fall into the hands of those who would see us defeated (may they burn in Hell!).

Tearing up is an imperfect method of disposal. To ensure that ALL negotiated rights and provisions negotiated through collective bargaining are completely destroyed, the following methods are encouraged.

1) Fire. It is quick and efficient and should be the first choice for any CPC Agreement Destroying Operative (ADO). Care much be taken to obtain the necessary local burning permits which are available at the nearest municipal office or fire station. Also, one should be wary of environmental terrorists who might claim that dangerous chemicals are being released into the atmosphere – which is, of course, ridiculous.

2) Shredding. Much more efficient than tearing. The difficulty with shredding is that only the heaviest industrial shredders are capable of destroying the hundreds of thousands of copies of the thick tomes. This machinery is owned and operated mostly by private sector firms. Contracting to these firms is acceptable provided contracts are negotiated surreptitiously. In addition, kick backs and the granting of tax breaks may be needed. These are also acceptable.

3) Heavy equipment. While the use of bulldozers and other tracked equipment is not optimal, it is acceptable, just because it’s so darned much fun.

4) Finally, nuclear obliteration of Collective Agreements. This method is currently not available in Canada (Commie lefties think it’s unsafe!), but this may change if Gov. Santorum is elected President of the USA. Needless to say, all CPC members should pray for this.

We hope you find this guidance helpful. Please contact the Secretariat for further information.

In the Name of Our Leader, the Thought Crimes and Socialist Schemes Prevention Secretariat.

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

… that’s an almost 30 degree swing in the temperature in one day… For Americans, that’s about a 53 F swing!

Whatta country!

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

…or at least extreme nastiness…

No. It was evil.

And I don’t even believe in the absolutes of good and evil. My complete lack of belief in things spiritual prevents such thoughts.

But I cannot explain the following without thinking that evil may really and truly exist.

And it resides in Ottawa.

Out for a drive on the Rockcliffe Parkway yesterday with C and 2 of the subunits. We get to the roundabout outside Rideau Hall (if you’re from O-Town, you’ll know where I mean). And I was going a little quickly as I pulled up to a stop to allow a black Chevy Tahoe to go through. The SUV came to an almost complete stop and the two guys in the front gave us a really good look over… like our little Malibu was gonna ram them or something.

The back windows were blacked out and the two big guys in the front wore ear pieces and dark sunglasses. They carried on, and then I felt it.

A tingle up the spine. A feeling of foreboding… like I was in the presence of real evil… kind of how I would imagine Harry Potter feeling when running up against he-who-shall-not-be named. The truly weird thing is that at this moment, C turns to me and ask “did you just get a tingle up your spine? I bet that was Harper.”

I’m not making this up.

Sure enough, the Chev turns into 24 Sussex.

Spooky.

I think I’ll tell this tale next Hallowe’en…

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

… a few Grit and Dipper lips smacking at the prospect of running against Harper on the issue of raising the retirement age to 67.

While some of Harper’s holy pronouncements in Davos are basically no-brainers (e.g., reforming the immigration system), bringing up the spectre of changing retirement rules mid-game is NOT going to be a winner for the Cons… nor do I think it  is a necessary can of worms to unscrew.

Generations – mine included – of currently living and working Canadians have made life decisions with the assumption that, at the age of 65, there would be a government allotment waiting for them that would make it possible to leave work and enjoy what was left of their years.

And Harper wants to change this.

I’m not going to super-overanalyze the whys or why-nots in this post…need to research the issue some more. But I will confidently say that opening up the retirement age question may be The Robot’s ONE BIG MISTAKE. Has he not looked at a current population pyramid.

Not let’s see what the Opposition does with this…

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

     Mr. Speaker, ’twas the week before Christmas and all over the Hill
The self-absorbed Tories were imposing their will
The stockings in Muskoka were stuffed to the brim
But life on first nations remained woefully grim.
And at the North Pole, Santa’s problems abound
There was much work to do, but no workers around.
How can we do Christmas with no reindeer or elves?
The sleigh is a wreck, there are no toys on the shelves.
Costs have just spiralled, the elves threaten strike
They won’t work this Christmas without a pay hike.
Federal money for deer feed and vets
Has just been reprofiled for big jails and jets.
Heartbroken children would spring from their beds
The first Christmas ever shut down by the feds.
No presents for Christmas, Tories felt the frustration
So they saddled the elves with back-to-work legislation.
No reindeer or sleigh can stop our roof-topper
Call Coast Guard and send in a Cormorant chopper.
The moral I share: Tories lack rhyme and reason
Nonetheless, all the best for a great Christmas season.

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

… That the Harperites have created is humming right along… Just read the comments posted by some readers whenever a story about the ongoing and looking cuts to the Public Service. Most are laughable, inaccurate and downright mean… especially those found in stories published by the Sun chain. Which speaks volumes about Sun readers, methinks.

Workers in the PS are easy targets, after all. An anti PS government is ever so eager to portray them as overpaid and underworked layabouts who are counting the days till their gold plate pensioned retirements!

And of course the right wing media and SM pundits grab on to this like a Staffordshire Terrier on a ham hock. No one outside the NCR gives a shit anyhow! Win-win for the Harperites and their friends.

Yet, the reality is that we are talking about human beings here. Fellow Canadians with kids in hockey, mortgages, car payments, etc. People who pay bills, shop in restaurants and support local economies across the country. But to the CPC and many of their supporters, they are but needless drains on the Treasury.

Sure, you say, but aren’t reviews and cuts like these healthy for the PS? “Deadwood” is culled. Younger employees get new opportunities. Programs are looked at in detail to assess needs and relevance. Renewal good. And yes, I agree with this.

But what most Canadians outside the Ottawa Valley do not realise is that these reviews are not new. Nor are cuts to program’s and people. Indeed, there have been 2 major cuts over the past 5 years or so PLUS an “in effect” cut that mandated that individual departments absorb the added costs of salary costs arising from collective agreement salary increases. The central agencies (Finance) used to foot that bill.

So I really don’t know how much deadwood is still out there. Not much, I reckon. The last few years have burned it out. Maybe bit on the edges – but not much.

And if it’s not deadwood, then it will be the healthy meat of the tree that is hacked away at next.

And then maybe other Canadians will notice.

But I doubt it.

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

Prepared for PM Harper and immediate staff attending APEC meeting in Hawaii

Re: November 13 meeting with President Obama.

1. Drawing on experience gained at first bilateral, the PM is reminded that the President does not appreciate being called “gangsta”.

2. Related to 1. above, the symbolic colours of the main political parties are the opposite to those in Canada. It is therefore advised that the PM wear a blue tie. But do not refer to it as “my gangsta colours” like the last time.

3. If Vic Toews is travelling with the PM, tell him that referring to The First Lady as “that hottie” when speaking to Ms. Clinton is not acceptable.

4. Please do not allow Mr. Polievre to speak to Ms. Clinton. At all. Our bilateral relations are still recovering from the last time.

5. Plead with the PM to not go on about the missed call by Kerry Fraser during the 1993 Leafs / Kings series. He won’t understand.

6. Pretend to understand basketball. It’s that sport played by very tall people who bounce an orange ball.

7. Don’t bring up Keystone. Really. He has heard enough.

8. Stay inside the beltway. Your security detail has been informed.

9. The President is not Martin Sheen. Never has been. Don’t listen to Baird.

10. You are not in charge here. Remember that.

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario

… by putting “Royal” back in the names of the Navy and the Air Force.

Loving anachronisms – it’s the CPC way…

This move is just plain bone-headed on so many levels! Even some Cons that I know are scratching their heads a bit over this one! Some traditionalists are saying: “Hooray! We’re going back to the days before that mean PM Trudeau combined the Forces together!”. To them I say – welcome to the 21st century! Here is a calendar!

Look, I don’t pretend to know what those in the Forces think about this. But I don’t “get” why adding “Royal” in front of the “Canadian Air Force” and the “Navy” would matter one way or the other to them. Aren’t they more concerned about having up-to-date equipment in the field and fair pensions and health care in their post-military years?

Just sayin’…

Hey! Maybe under King Harper we can be the once again the sacrificial lambs that we once were for the British Empire. Doesn’t anyone remember World War I? Or Dieppe?

What’s next? Here are some ideas.

• Regressive Cons rename Ontario Upper Canada

• Ottawa is removed as the National Capital. Instead, an on-line contest is held – sponsored by Tim Horton’s. Canmore, Alberta wins.

• God Save the Queen replaces O Canada.

• The Red Ensign returns

• Dollar is replaced by pounds, shillings and pence

• Public servants have to take an Oath of Loyalty to the Queen… oh wait – we already do that….

Trashy,
Ottawa, Ontario