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I. Trashy. Am depleting the atmosphere. Kill me now.

Solar panels are draining the sun. Crap. Double crap.

This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming. Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.” “Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday. “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water. But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner. Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”


They are.

Damned evil little devices.

I mean, it’s the SUN, man!

This one:

To put it simply, the Sun is as big as more than 1 million Earth masses put together. It is 1,287,000 times bigger than a solitary Earth. The Sun has a diameter of 1,392,000 km (865,000 miles) while the Earth’s diameter is only 12,742 km (7,918 miles). In terms of weight, the Sun is 333,000 times heavier than the Earth and accounts for 98% of all mass in the solar system. Following are some other fun and interesting facts about the Sun.

As in, the atmosphere… With every fricking breath, I’m draining it.

Why doesn’t someone stop me???


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  1. MoS says:

    The Wyoming Institute of Technology does not exist. The story is a hoax. Apparently hoaxes like this can be very lucrative.

  2. Troy says:

    Oh, noes! What are we doing, not letting that sun energy reflect back into space, where it is eventually drains away in the vacuum of space? We’re awful, awful creatures, draining the sun’s energy like that!

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