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July 22nd, 2013:

Unconfirmed reports from unnamed sources…

… indicate that the newest royal attention seeker has been born and he shall be named Heir-a-born, son of Aragorn, son of Arathorn.

Gimli, son of GloĆ­n is appointed the Royal diaper washer while Gollum will act as his nanny.

Joe Oliver is apparently jetting across the Atlantic as I type this in order to brief the newest anachronism on the benefits of a trans-Atlantic oil pipeline…