Of COURSE the CPC won’t…

… tear up PS Collective Agreements! Not a chance! “tearing up” is so gauche. So unimaginative, so 19th century!

Famous for being a very detail-oriented little party, the ReformCons have assembled a handbook for party operatives outlining what exactly should happen to those pesky Agreements while avoiding that whole tearing-up thing.

And this intrepid blogger has obtained a copy of this handbook, excerpts of which are published below.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

March 2012

To:  all Conservative Party of Canada riding operatives.

From: Thought Crimes and Socialist Schemes Prevention Secretariat

Re: Disposal of Collective Bargaining Agreements

This handbook is intended to guide dictate to Party operatives in the approved methods of Public Service Collective Bargaining Agreements. It is NOT to be distributed outside party offices and care MUST be taken to not allow this handbook or parts contained therein to fall into the hands of those who would see us defeated (may they burn in Hell!).

Tearing up is an imperfect method of disposal. To ensure that ALL negotiated rights and provisions negotiated through collective bargaining are completely destroyed, the following methods are encouraged.

1) Fire. It is quick and efficient and should be the first choice for any CPC Agreement Destroying Operative (ADO). Care much be taken to obtain the necessary local burning permits which are available at the nearest municipal office or fire station. Also, one should be wary of environmental terrorists who might claim that dangerous chemicals are being released into the atmosphere – which is, of course, ridiculous.

2) Shredding. Much more efficient than tearing. The difficulty with shredding is that only the heaviest industrial shredders are capable of destroying the hundreds of thousands of copies of the thick tomes. This machinery is owned and operated mostly by private sector firms. Contracting to these firms is acceptable provided contracts are negotiated surreptitiously. In addition, kick backs and the granting of tax breaks may be needed. These are also acceptable.

3) Heavy equipment. While the use of bulldozers and other tracked equipment is not optimal, it is acceptable, just because it’s so darned much fun.

4) Finally, nuclear obliteration of Collective Agreements. This method is currently not available in Canada (Commie lefties think it’s unsafe!), but this may change if Gov. Santorum is elected President of the USA. Needless to say, all CPC members should pray for this.

We hope you find this guidance helpful. Please contact the Secretariat for further information.

In the Name of Our Leader, the Thought Crimes and Socialist Schemes Prevention Secretariat.

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