And God came unto Stockwell in a dream…

… and gave forth thy numbers that no man shall rend asunder.

A hail the holy numbers! They be neither tainted by science nor the witchery of “mathematics”. For these are Stephen’s God’s Words that we shall obey.

Verily, professional statisticians the Devil says that sins against persons and thine property are not as commonplace as in bygone years. But this is blasphemy! The surveys and other devices of Michael Ignatieff Satan are the works of sinners and thieves and not Divine as are the numbers which I have before me. Numbers that are free of coercion and free of intrusion. For they are Holy and have no need of titles like “accurate”, “methodologically sound”, or of other words of professional statisticians the Devil.

And where be these Words of Stephen God? Damn you all for asking me to reveal them! Verily, they are not really aren’t before me at all! Nor am I, as a servant of Stephen God, privy to such Holy Matters. But is it so that because I do not see them, that I do not trust they exist?

That is blasphemous talk and ye shall be stoned or imprisoned for this sin. Or mayhaps be housed in one of new prisons that shall be built to punish doubters like the left-wing press those possessed by the Serpent.

Because, my sons and daughters, ye must trust the Word of Stock as you trust the Word of Stephen God. So trust my holy word on this matter and know that there have been more sins committed against thine person and thine property than in the past. Know this and go forth and spread the Gospel. For it is Right and True.

Amen and Praise the Stephen!

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