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June 10th, 2010:

If I had a billion dollars…

I’d build stuff to get me votes…


Don Cherry’s time has passed…

…and the MotherCorp should come to grips with the fact that Grapes should be shown the gate to the bench.

I know this won’t make me popular with the Timmies crowd out there (no insult intended to those of you who like that swill, but you can’t help having poor taste in coffee!), but really, can anyone even follow what he spouts on about anymore? He is so fricking right wing that he makes Glenn Beck look like Bill Moyers.

C’mon folks, he is a blowhard, racist, fascist who knows precious little about hockey – the subject of which he is supposed to be an expert on! To make up for this lack of understanding of the modern game, and to cover up his increasing dementia, he uses his rant to bitch about Europeans, lefties, politicos and whomever else doesn’t agree with ol’ Grapes!

Now, I have not always been “anti-Don”. Coaches Corner was once a good segment that focussed on HOCKEY and had guests who talked about HOCKEY –  but it has devolved into a wandering bitch-fest about whatever is up Don’s butt that night… with an obligatory weekly gush and cry about the military.

He appeals to the lowest common denominator and that is the only reason the CBC puts up with him. He sells ad space.

But he has to go, and now is the time time. Right now.

The season is over (Congrats Hawks!) and the Canadian mindset will soon tune to summer mode. Hockey gets pushed to the back burner for a few months so the timing is right.

But they can’t simply show him the way to the gate with boxes in his arms! Noooo… imagine the hue and cry! And Grapes himself would happily stoke those flames until the CBC backed down for fear of a boycott and the loss of advertising bucks. So here’s what you do.

First, offer him a very generous buy-out package – much more than he is worth.  But more importantly, they have to be sure to stroke his huge ego by arranging for him a “speaking tour” – complete with PR hacks and a small entourage of cooing followers. And pick up the tab for the whole shot. Cherry would agree to this, I think, as he would still be able to utter all that swill about how the politicos are ruining everything and if important decision were left up to him and his beloved military, then Canada would go back to being that down-home redneck-friendly place that he once imagined it to be!

Yes, he would still have an audience, but it would be much smaller and thus less damaging than the millions who tune in to him every week during the hockey season. The folks in the Legion halls, old folks homes and middle-of-nowhere community centres and hockey rinks (read – places where the ridings are held by the CPC) are already ardent admirers of the jerk, so no further damage would be done.

Better yet, ship him overseas to entertain the troops! Kind of a USO thing like they do in the States! Man, that might be just the weapon our troops need to crush the Taliban! Put his blathering, meandering rants on loud speakers and blare it at full volume wherever it is believed there may be Taliban hiding… THAT would be better than any other ammo you can imagine!

Trashy – doing his part to help the mission overseas!

PS – If the Hawks can win the Cup 49 long years, then the Leafs will be next! Woo-hoo! I’m reserving my spot on the parade route now!