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January 8th, 2010:

Trashy for Mayor

Here in Ottawa, the landslide of Mayoral wanna-be nomination papers has begun to swamp City electoral staff… so far there is a grand total of TWO declared candidates!  But Ottawa is Ottawa and we can expect a number of sincere and not-so-sincere candidates to step up to the plate before the cut-off date. Some will be eminently qualified, and some not so much.

And that is where I come into the picture.

It is true that I served for a term on a municipal council in a small community located in Central Ontario. It is also true that I ran (sigh, unsuccessfully) in a bygone General Election. But really, this is not Smallville, Ontario. And running in one major election campaign hardly qualifies me for such a high-profile and important post.

Or does it? Let me think about this for a sec… Hmmmm… maybe I am qualified…

OK – what would be the positives and negatives if I were to take a run at this – and (shucks) furthermore, what if I won?

Upside: I could give a little of myself back to the community that I have called home for the past 12+ years – the community that two of my three kids were born in.
Downside: Over the top way to “give back” Batman! I mean, I sit on the Board of my son’s daycare and I could do more – like volunteer at a soup kitchen or something – without having to go all über-giving-like!.

Upside: The money is good – about $160 K a year.
Downside: Yeah, but I already get paid quite well already and the extra money/extra work ratio would be off the chart.

Upside: I’d be in charge of one of Canada’s largest cities. The sense of power would be pretty cool.
Downside: The power would likely go to my head. I would lose my valued perspective and start decreeing every Sunday as The Simpsons Day in Ottawa And change the City’s logo to the silhouette of a bald guy with a goatee. I would also try to annex Montréal.

Upside: People would respect me more.
Downside: An equal number of people would hate me and want me dead. And besides, the people from whom I actually want respect already respect me. I think.

It’s pretty clear, I guess. The downsides outweigh the upsides even before I start to consider:

  • I would have to take an unpaid, leave-of-absence from work for at least 6 months.
  • I don’t have any beginnings of a politically-connected network in this city – ergo, no campaign funding
  • I’m a relative newcomer to the City and some folks would frown at this.
  • Campaigning means long hours. And I have a real hard time staying up past 10 pm!

All that being said, if anyone wants to drop about, oh, 50K on my lap as a gift to make up for lost salary (so my kids will be able to eat while I’m going door-to-door), offer to volunteer  as my full-time campaign organizer (it would help greatly if you already had a firm and obedient politically-connected network in place), and think that Trashy would do just fine as Ottawa’s Mayor, I’m ready to listen!