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May 14th, 2009:

Victoria – great name for my eldest kid, but not for a national holiday!

Here in Canada, the celebration of the birthday of a long dead and foreign Queen is more likely to be called the May 2-4 weekend, the May long weekend, cottage opening weekend or the “Holy shit, the blackflies are out” long weekend.

However you dice it, the three days away from the labours of labour are a welcome break for those of us that don’t slave away in jobs that really don’t get “breaks” like these… cops, firedudes, bartenders, hookers, etc.

And I, like everyone else, LOVE it! In fact, I’m taking an extra leave day tomorrow (Friday). The weather forecast is favourable to doing some much-needed lawn and garden work sans enfants et sans ma femme! I may even take a break and hit the gym too! A whole day to myself and then THREE more to boot!!!  Woo-ho!

But wait! What is that grumbly and gravely sound of discontent that is simmering just below my conscious glee? Oh yeah. I remember. I still get pissed with the fact that we have yet to find and agree upon a better occasion to celebrate other than a dead foreign Queen’s birthday! Plus, just look at her! If she was even a little bit hot or super smart or something, then maybe I’d ease up a bit. But just look at her!

vicYeah, yeah – I know a bunch of you neo-monarchists (ain’t that a contradiction?) are simply aghast that once again one of we republicans dare to mention foul things about the sacred monarchy – and only days from that special day itself! Oh, I feel my billowing petticoats singing in disaccord!

But c’mon. Get real. Get real as in 21st c. real.  Can we not celebrate something a little more, uh, Canadian for this most Canadian of days? Why do we and our elected representatives insist on avoiding this issue because we fear the wrath of the angered mobs of Monarchist League of Canada members riding their motorised scooters to Parliament Hill?

Aren’t they all or shouldn’t they be all dead by now?

I’ll answer by own question – no. They aren’t all dead and I know a couple of misguided souls who are sub-70 in years and who are simply enthralled by the pomp and ceremony that the monarchy offers.  I guess that might be a reason why catholics are attracted to the papacy… the white gowns, totally sick bling and totally pimped out cribs will do that to some folks.

Anyways, in the name of coming up with some more reasonable and less-dead things to attach to the weekend. And risking life and limb – I know – here are some suggestions… feel free to add and maybe I’ll compile a list and send it off to my MP.

o    National Hockey Day
o    National Blackfly Day
o    National Beer Day (after all – May 2-4 is the May 2-4)
o    National It’s Almost Spring in Manitoba Day
o    Pierre Elliott Trudeau Day (bet that would go over well in Red Deer!)
o    Cottage Opening Day