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The ignorance of those sans enfants

Found this posted on a colleague’s Facebook site. Hilarious!n650126619_2607965_92195

I tried to find the time to read this closely, but my 5 year old wants yet another snack. Owen (the 22 month-old) is hitting my leg with his Thomas train. And I have to run off to an interview at my teen’s school.

Those without kids just don’t get it – and never will unless they become a part of the procreation herd.


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  1. Catherine says:

    This is an interesting discussion, and I just wanted to weigh in on the issue about childless people having to pick up the slack at work for those with children.

    I’ve seen both sides of this. My husband in a member of the Australian Defence Force, and there is a man in his unit who asks for a day off nearly every week because his 2 kids are sick or his wife is sick or he wants to visit family or needs to take one child to some activity etc etc etc…. Makes everyone at work fed up.

    Then there is my husband who has 6 children (yes 6) and who does more than his share as duty officer, often works weekends & public holidays, and who hasn’t been home with me on Mother’s day for 5 or 6 years – this year to be no exception. He usually always misses out on school concerts, children’s birthday parties and award presentation ceremonies. He even refused his boss’s offer to take a few days off work after I had my 4th baby and was quite ill with an infection because he knew someone else at work would have to cover for him.

    What’s the difference between my husband and the other man? My husband has a stay-at-home wife while the other man’s wife works full time. My husband knows there is someone who he can trust to care for his children no matter what (even when I’m sick) and he can fulfil his work duties free from worry. The other man knows that his wife can’t leave work to pick up the child who missed the school bus, his sick child can’t go to daycare, and the babysitter will charge extra if she has to stay longer.

    So maybe if one parent was prepared to stay at home and care for their children until they were old enough to care for themselves a lot of this would be avoided? I know this idea can have the potential to spark more debate, but it’s just my thoughts and my opinion.

  2. louise says:

    (As a former federal employee, the only 5-day special leave I recall was the one-time replacement for the also-discriminatory marriage leave, which has nothing to do with whether or not you have children.)

    For years, my parents and I celebrated Christmas a week before the actual day because I was required to work in order that people with children could have the time off. I don’t mind doing that if I volunteer, but the rare times that I actually wanted to be off on a holiday, I was not permitted to because priority was given to employees with families. I’ve even had my long-booked vacation time rescinded because someone with kids had to have the time off for something child-related at the last minute. Yes, it’s better now than it used to be, but childed people still frequently get preferential treatment in terms of work hours, time off, being able to bring their children in to the workplace, etc. (Hey, if you can bring your child in to run roughshod around the office when the sitter cancels, I should be able to bring my cat. He’s at least quieter.)

    It’s wrong to assume that childfree people can’t possibly comprehend what it means to raise children. For some of us, the reason we don’t have children is because we *do* have a clue what it involves. I fully understand that raising one, let alone two or more, children is an incredibly time- , energy-, and emotionally-intensive task. I really do. I spent a huge part of my niece’s and nephew’s first several years helping their mother with them while their father was away on various tours of duty. Doesn’t mean I necessarily sympathize with her or you, though. After all, you all made the choice to become parents. (You’re also very effective birth control so thanks for that on behalf of childfree people everywhere. LOL)

  3. XUP says:

    Hey, I don’t see your email address anywhere, but I’m wondering if you’d be interested in joining the gang for an Ottawa Blogger’s Breakfast? It will be March 7th. This will be the 3rd one and they’ve been mucho fun so far. Send us an email at: and we’ll send you the details.

  4. Me? yes. I like dogs. Cat people sort of squick me, depending on their level of feline worship.

  5. trashee says:

    Are you a “dog-person”?
    I’m guessing not…

  6. >>And if a supervisor is dumping the bulk of the dirty jobs or
    >>covering duties on those who haven’t procreated – well,
    >>that’s just being a bad manager.

    Point 2 *is* getting better. Man, when I was in the military, you could reasonably expect that not having kids meant drawing duty officer on every holiday… because people without kids have absolutely NOTHING they’d rather be doing than sitting alone in a duty office. Even where I work now, one person was off work so much, according to her because of her ill child, that about 50% of her job had to be handed to other people. There was a big to-do when she was asked to leave because “you can’t fire me because I have a sick kid”. Made me shake my head.

    Re: point 4. It’s unfair to assume that the non-parent has no clue. Worse still, the non-parent really is entitled to a say… how any parent does (or doesn’t do) their job directly affects childless people. Childless people disporportionately pay for the social benefits that people with children reap. And while I agree to some extent that childless people may not know every specific detail of every specific child situation, it’s unfair and unreasonable to assume that they know *nothing*… In fact, it’s as unreasonable as assuming that every person with children is an undisciplined slacker who does nothing but put upon everyone else. In theory, we’re collectively a society, and that means EVERYONE has a say. Many people who are childless have chosen to be so directly from an understanding of the tribulations of parenthood (this would be my situation – I think I know quite well what is expected of a parent… certainly I know what I expect of a parent, and I have no desire to put myself in that situation, it would be unfair to me and to any potential children). So yes, I have a say on the child-rearing front (outside of the stuff I pay for) every time and place your children interact with me. That’s not really too much to require.

    The primary thing that keeps me from writing the mentioned article is that some people who read my blog might recognize themselves. I don’t need that strife 🙂

  7. trashee says:

    Hee – I was wondering who would be the first to put forth the counter arguement – you or Gordo!

    Points 1 & 3 – yup.. I completely agree with you. The childless do lose the bulk of their friends for 15 years – or for much longer… I had my first in ’93 and won’t have the youngest sugbunit out of the house before 2026 – at the earliest! Do the math. Cuz I can”t since my BP will shoot up.

    And yes, the whole “child-appropriateness” thing ticks me off too. Parents should, as adults, be able to choose to go to a function (etc.) or not based on the info. that they as adults, are able to accrue. The choice is there’s alone.

    Point #2 – I do know of instances where this may be the case – but not as a general rule. As a Fed, I have the right to Family Days (all 5) whether or not I have a kid. And if a supervisor is dumping the bulk of the dirty jobs or covering duties on those who haven’t procreated – well, that’s just being a bad manager.

    Point #4 – um, I really don’t agree with you when you say “Fourth, there is wanton disrespect for the childless with regard to opinions on child rearing, education, etc.”
    Nope – you don’t have a say on the child-rearing front… education, maybe – and this is why:

    A non-parent really, honestly has not a clue about all of the factors that go into transitioning an infant to childhood to adolescence and then to adulthood. It is fearful, exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes hurtful. No users manual to go by my friend so we wing it all of the time out of neccesity. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we don’t…and the times we don’t, we usually don’t understand “why?”
    The point being that it really is a lot more complex than the non-parent can understand. I know. I was the non-parent until I was 30 and I almost lost a couple of good friends because of my “I know as much as I do” attitude that lead me to offer up advice on how I would do things differently.

    I learned.

    Let’s face it – parents and non-parents will never see eye to eye on most of ypur points above – kinda like dog-people and non-dog-people. I hate dogs.

    But we shouldn’t be rude to each other and at least try to understand the other’s perspective.

    Though I will never “get” dogs.

    Thanks for the post, Darin.

    Now you should type out the article you mention in your first paragraph! 🙂

  8. It’s a bit unfair to call it the Ignorance of those Sans Enfants… believe me, it would be simplicity for me to write a similar article regarding the complete disrespect that the parented have toward the childless, their time, their property and their lives – in particular the envy that so many parents feel toward the freedom of their childless peers.

    And while I might agree that “Tacoma” is a class 1 fucktard, I’ve had the reverse conversation.

    A person who by choice or circumstance is childless gains some financial advantages by not having yard-apes on which to lavish great spending. They gain free time, and a certain level of choice in how to occupy that time.

    However, they sacrifice a lot. First and foremost, they effectively lose the bulk of their friends and associates who choose to have children, for about 15 years. In fact, the childles can pretty much expect to lose the bulk of their social contact with friends from shortly after the first child birth until all their friends’ children are teenagers.

    Second, the childless have to pick up the slack at work. While the breeders are busy with unscheduled days off looking after their kids, the childless get to fill in. Childless people, anywhere I’ve worked, are treated as if they have no life, no families, no friends, nothing outside of work. Of course, the childed feel no need to accept reduced opportunity for this, and presume that they should be treated as if they do everything. This can be a bit hard to take, at times, especially because some parents really do abuse it something fierce. We all understand and appreciate that sometimes kids require a bit of extra work, but it might be nice to be respected for picking up your slack, rather than have it EXPECTED because we decided not to spawn.

    Third, the childless are forced to accept that, no matter how adult an activity is, childed people will bring their children and will necessarily ruin it by complaining about the inappropriateness of the activity for children. I’m not talking about porn and swinging here – it can be anything from a formal dinner to a movie to a barbecue at someone’s house. I’ve actually had people threaten to not bring their children over to my house because my house isn’t child-proofed. That would be laughable if it wasn’t actually intended to be a serious threat… like I’d actually care if someone’s undisciplined child was no longer brought over to ignore my rules and tear up my house.

    Fourth, there is wanton disrespect for the childless with regard to opinions on child rearing, education, etc. That’s unwarranted and unfair. The childless pay taxes that pay for the education of other people’s children and that gives them every right to have a say in how that education is doled out. Similarly, they pay for the health care, and all other services that the children receive. They do so without the jammy tax breaks that parents get. To me, that means the childless are fundamentally OWED a say – perhaps even more of a say than parents. And when some undisciplined brat interferes with my business, I have every right to reprimand the child, and perhaps the parent too… if the parent was doing their job, of course, it wouldn’t be necessary… but that’s an “if” that is really too much to hope for it seems. They say it takes a village to raise a child… well some people in the village don’t have children of their own, and if you don’t want those people raising your kids, then you had best keep your kids on a short leash, and pay for them yourself.

    I could rant for hours about some of the truly horrible things I’ve been told by parents – and people I consider(ed) to be friends, but this isn’t really the place. You’d be shocked, I’m sure.

  9. trashee says:

    Right now, I’m looking at our family room that yesterday was somewhat neat and tidy – meaning that you could see the carpet!
    Less than 24 hours later it is strewn with Legos, pilows, blankets, trucks and my 22 month old.
    Ah well, chaos is happiness, n’est-ce pas?
    Nonetheless, being the 46 year old parent to the aforementioned toddler, a 5 year old and a teen demands a level of mental and physical energy that a non-parent would find oppressive!

  10. Ken says:

    Amen, brother.

    Now I have to go deal with laundry – the bulk of belonging to a 3 & 7 year-old…

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