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January 26th, 2009:

Fathers of daughters…

This was sent to me quite a few years ago before my eldest spawn was anywhere close to “dating” age.

Fellow blogoverse resident XUP recently posted his concerns about his 16 year-old’s first date.  He has a very comprehensive checklist in place. Kudos.

Yet, I prefer this:

WANNA DATE MY DAUGHTER?

When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend’s father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter’s chest.  He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds.

Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad.  Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter’s suitors feel even worse.

My motto:  wilt them in the living room and they’ll stay wilted all night.

‘So,’ I’ll call out jovially.  ‘I see you have your nose pierced. Is that because you’re stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid’’

As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room.

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as hell not picking anything up. (more…)

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Welcome to The Year of the Ox!

Gung Hey Fat Choy!!!

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